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Posted on the 2015-01-15 at 19:00
I want to thank you for your article on 'Love and the Stockholm Syndrome'. I was in a turbulent on-again, off-again relationship for the past 6 months with a person who turned out to be a Loser. What made things difficult and confusing for me was the fact that the was a very caring and enjoyable person to be with when everything went his way, but would suddenly turn into this raging beast when things didn't. Subconsciously I knew something was not right and I kept leaving him, but would find myself being drawn back to him. Recently things got very ugly and I walked out determined to never go back to him. It's been a week and I find myself missing him and thinking about him a lot...and I have been very cofused by myself. Your article made me realize that I am not  crazy, and has helped me understand what I have just been through, and how lucky I am to have made it out of the situation. I can now understand why some people find it so difficult to leave such relationships. 
Posted on the 2014-11-25 at 19:00
I just read your article on Stockholm Syndrome and abusive relationships. I was in an abusive relationship for nearly 6 years. A friend of mine sent me a link to your article. Reading through, I relived what I went through during those 6 years and your article really opened up my eyes to what happened to me and why it happened. I want to thank you for writing that article and others as well because I really believe knowledge is power. I've shared your article with all of my friends as well because you may never know who it will help whether the person is in an abusive relationship or not. Thank you again!
Posted on the 2014-11-25 at 19:00
yr article about stckhlm synd n cog dis: wow-u r good. fluid, colloquial, clear... frst prsn to mk me (nt stop reading/listening n) undrstnd cog disonance etc. also cog dis re stck synd.  amazing. doctor phil, move aside, .. thank you ...
Barry Breen
Posted on the 2014-05-08 at 20:00
Loved your Article on Dopamine and Serotonin - Chemical Imbalance. It was a great read. Please keep it coming :)
Vicki Scott
Posted on the 2014-03-03 at 19:00
Dr. Carver - you're the best.  Love all of your papers, but the one I make the most copies of is The Loser.  I work at a domestic violence outreach office as a victim advocate and hopefully this article helps victims of DV in their next relationship. Thank you.
Posted on the 2013-12-17 at 19:00
Thank you for your articles on losers, personality disorders and Stockholm syndrome. I was married to a “loser” (20 out of 20) for many years. Your excellent articles helped me understand what I was up against, what was at stake, why I felt the way I did and that the only solution was to get out. It was very difficult, but still a piece of cake compared to how difficult I thought it would be.
There is so much literature out there, and it is very easy to get confused and indecisive. Your articles stand out providing “no-nonsense” information by making it clear that the “loser” is the problem and that she/he will never change. In fact – the “loser” article was my main inspiration and basis for sanity and courage during the break-up process. It may have saved my life.
gloria benanti
Posted on the 2013-09-06 at 20:00
you made some good points there. nice information in this post.
i prefer to read this kind of stuff. keep sharing such ideas in the future as well.
Posted on the 2013-05-31 at 20:00
So nice to come across your article about depression and anxiety.Thank you for taking the time to write about this.I appreciate it very much
Michele Lewis Undergraduate Student
Posted on the 2013-05-31 at 20:00
Great Website! I love your format and articles. Thank you
Posted on the 2013-04-18 at 20:00
David Marsh
Posted on the 2013-04-12 at 20:00
Always supporting all those who expose this massive problem of "Domestic Violence" from all your friends at Thank you.
Martha Edith Diaz
Posted on the 2013-04-04 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver: Thank you for your excellent comunnication skills for your readers, and the most important, thank you for bringing some peace to moms with our sons with emotional issues
Posted on the 2013-02-01 at 19:00
Thanks so much for your article on ADHD. How wonderful to find such helpful information offered in this way. It\'s been difficult trying to find information without being asked to pay high amounts of money for it. Regarding ADHD too many have held needed knowledge back from those who need it most due to the cost. The article was excellent. Incredibly discripitve and that made it very comforting. The advice on disciplining is great and I\'m going to try to implement it. Thanks again.
Posted on the 2013-02-01 at 19:00
Dr Carver,
I loved your articles about Losers and Depression.
I wish I had known about this site two years ago I might have recognized or rather believed myself that my ex was/is a Loser, I would have been much healthier now.
Great site. Thank you.

Posted on the 2013-01-22 at 19:00
I just wanted to say your description of depression is really excellent and has helped me today. Almost all the explnation of what is going on relate to how I\'m feeling and the advice about taking medication and getting counselling together is really helpful. So many people simply don\'t understand how low someone can get with the pain of depression. I\'m a mathematician and normally an extremely good problem solver but I simply can\'t get my head around the fact that though I\'m feeling suicidal that it will go. However I\'m certain now that somewhere in my subconcious I do understand this and therefore am willing to go through the intense emotional pain that will eventually go. Being on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills is a life saver for me and I think no-one should be scared of these if they are very depressed. Thanks again for your article it is great!
Posted on the 2012-11-03 at 20:00
 Hello There Dr. Carver,           I owe you a huge thank you, if you were nearby I would give you a huge hug. Yes, sounds crazy coming from a stranger- but your article on "Losers" gave me peace of mind and serenity one morning when I was loosing sleep from Mother-in- law issues. Yes, I can imagine you may have chuckled at that last sentence. However it\'s true- I googled "how to deal with telling family your moving away" and google search engine highlighted your article. I read it and felt as if you expressed my husband\'s mother and brother\'s personalities exactly. I feel horrible saying that, but noticing a familiarness between your letter and what we deal with on a weekly basis was a moment of clearity. I understand it is based more on toxic relationships with an ex-partner, but I feel my husband and I have been under the thumb of his controlling mother. In a nutshell, it\'s hard to make a healthy relationship with someone who constantly treats you as a threat. In reading your letter I felt a calm and a sense of perspective that there is a coined term for this type of personality. We unfortuanately have to figure how to handle this from here on out together.There is peace of mind from your explaination of why the last 3 years have been exhausting and troubling for us as a couple. Thank you, I can not forget your name now and I\'ll be looking for your page when more light needs to be shed. Greatfully,   Valerie
David Hicks
Posted on the 2012-07-10 at 20:00
 Great website!
Posted on the 2012-06-11 at 20:00
Wow! Can\'t wait to send the Cluster B personality paper to my sister. You have the descriptions spot on. I have a lot of experience with those kinds of people, and I could have sworn you knew my mother and ex-husband, at the minimum! Thanks!
Posted on the 2012-05-04 at 20:00
 Thank you sooooo much. I have been feeling so low for the past several years, and lately suicidal.  I decided to check the web for ways to do it, but came across a few good self stories and your article.  I honk more than anything, it gave me hope and basically you described what is wrong with me and the constant barrage of the garbage truck.  I know what I need to do now to hopefully get a handle on this.  Thank you for taking the time to write this.  Essentially, I owe my life to you.
A. G. Qasim
Posted on the 2012-04-10 at 20:00

I was reading your article "Warning Signs Dating a Loser".

Altough, I am a single guy - This was for seeking relevant and precise-as-possible information in a very insensetive friendship. Reckless behavior, megalomanic, selfish, careless and just simply fake. I also couldn\'t understand, why everything (EVERYTHING) he did was working against him? And why nobody really like him? "You know, he\'s really nice..(?)"

He could call, if his car battery died, and then forget me a whole week... And we call ourselves \'best friends\'?

This must be A Joke!

Thank you very much for your informative article - Helped me a whole lot! 

Posted on the 2012-03-24 at 20:00
Thank you for your articles. They threw light on complex relations, explained very clearly, thouroughly and understandable by an uninitiated.
Vicki Scott
Posted on the 2012-03-02 at 19:00
Hi Dr. Joe,

Thank you for your wonderful articles.  They have provided "aha" moments and shed light on answers to questions I\'ve been ruminating about for a long time.  My husband, Randy, passed away last August from cancer.  Grief, anger and frustration all rolled into one is quite an emotional hill to climb.  I\'ve searched for information regarding losing a spouse when the relationship was not a bowl of cherries, but found none.  Your articles have helped me understand what made my husband tick and therefore some peace of mind.  Thank you, Vicki
Posted on the 2012-02-06 at 19:00
Dear Doctor Carver,

Hello from the UK, I wanted to say a massive thankyou and I mean life changin thankyou to you for article on HOCD and Ecstacy, I was going crazy until I found your article on the subject which answered so many questions for me and let me be able to live my life again and move on after an 8 year battle, I wish you every happiness, success and good karma that can possibly be given and thankyou once again for helping me with my life.

Many, many thanks.
Pat Z
Posted on the 2012-02-04 at 19:00
Dear Dr. Carver,

I wanted to let you know that I think that your articles on Stockholm Syndrome, Emotional Memory, Personality Disorders, losers and abusers are brilliant and pure genius. They are so on point, so helpful, and really explain the whole process like very few have done. You not only \'get it\' but you explain it really well.

I have read numerous books and theses on the subject of abuse, abusers,  PTSD and recovery. These include Patricia Evan\'s books, Alice Miller and Marie-France Hirigoyan\'s books,  various academics, even Viktor Frankl\'s \'Man\'s Search for Meaning\', and many others. This was all done in an effort to understand the subject and to help myself in recovery from an abuser or loser (love that terminology).

For the most part these were very helpful for me and I learned a great deal because they addressed many of the underlying issues of abuse without blaming the victims of abuse. However, I find that your work takes my understanding to an even higher level because it provides really comprehensive information about so many aspects of abuse and also solutions for recovery.

I wanted to thank you so much for that and for your articles and to let you know that you have really done a service for many who are seeking an understanding of abuse and abusers and recovery.


Pat Z.
Echo Qin
Posted on the 2012-01-30 at 19:00

Dr. Carver,

 I came across the article of "how to recognize a loser in a relationship" the other day and i really want to know more about the book.
Unfortunately, I am in China and i cant find the book either in bookstores or online. So I am here, sincerely asking, where i can get access to all your works. 

I am looking forward to your reply, and please reply to me via my email address. Thank you so much.

My email address:

Posted on the 2012-01-25 at 19:00
Posted on the 2012-01-24 at 19:00
I do hope that a forum could be opened on this excellent site, maybe some time this year?

Meantime, I thought I might venture to post this link with some excellent articles too.  By a different Dr. Joe (Burgo).
Posted on the 2012-01-24 at 19:00
I do hope that a forum could be opened on this excellent site, maybe some time this year?

Meantime, I thought I might venture to post this link with some excellent articles too.  By a different Dr. Joe (Burgo).
Ms Sapphire.
Posted on the 2011-10-16 at 20:00
Thank you so much for your article on Stockholm Syndrome - The Mystery of Loving an Abuser.I have tried to work this all out for too many years. Starting with myself in an abusive relationship and now trying to understand my daughters and how I can help. Your article has been an in measurable help. Thank you so much for kindly giving your time to write and post this article for all to read...You will be truly blessed...Thank you.
Megan C
Posted on the 2011-10-06 at 20:00
 When my doctor first informe me that I might possibly have a serotonin deficiency, I wasn\'tso sure. After researching it on here, and finding out I have EVERY SYMPTOM, I\'m on the road to recovery.THANKS!
irene mongan
Posted on the 2011-09-07 at 20:00
l have searched the web site looking for help for my depression anxiety fear and feeling guilty about things that happened years ago which made me feel so horrible. After the death of my sister which was very sudden l went into a deep depression . and have had many different treatments to no avail. l am currentely on antidepressants 50ml gm for the past 4 months but dont feel much better. l came across you web site and l congradulate you on your wonderful work, especially about the garbage truck.  l found that most helpful as l thought their is no hope for me.  l reread it every day and it gives me hope that someday these thoughts will go away. Thank you again for giving me some peace of mind.
Elizabeth Holibek
Posted on the 2011-08-14 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver,
I first went to your website in 2005 after seeing a linK from WTOChristian/borderline personality disorders chat room.  I made friends, learned alot and also printed a three page EXIT strategy that is a grocery list of what to do, what not to do, what to do when, and included follow up instructions from a chat recommended site.  It was my life line back to sanity.
And while I discovered that there are only three boundaries that can not be crossed with an unstable hubby, the three that most fit my needs was jail, death, and divorce. (shooting wasn\'t an option, altho it did have a certain dramatic appeal!)
I tried to access your site with just your name two years ago and only could get info in Spanish.  OK, but I\'m not that proficient anymore.  So, today, August 15, I try again and only come up with the article on "Losers".  I don\'t see anywhere to acess the other articles.  However, it could be that you have written a book.  I would like that, so I\'ll check with the librarian.
And for the record,  I have been out of 30-year domestic violence for 5 years.  I am now just finally beginning to think of myself as a real person (as opposed to a pretend one) I can\'t believe how long it took to find laughter and joy! I am the happiest divorcee in Michigan1 I now know why women and children are plunged into poverty following divorce.  There is nothing fair or equitable out of the courts.  I have multiple degrees but am unable to make a lliving with multiple part time jobs.  However, I am surely far better off than before.
Your articles in 2005 were confirmation that "I" was not crazy.  But my world was.  I now live in a very quiet home with my cat and don\'t mind being poor so much, for I celebrate that I am alive (although not physically so well yet) and beginning to enjoy a new beginning in my life.  I don\'t think I will ever look at men the same way however.  It seems a shame that I can\'t quite think about dating or courtship at age 58. My friends tell me that I am remarkable and extraordinary. I still feel wounded. I will be forever grateful for the person in the chat room that recommended your site.  What a blessing you have been to my stability and frame of mind during one of the most difficult times of my life.  God bless you as you serve others.
Grateful in Michigan! 
Just dumped \The Loser\
Posted on the 2011-08-11 at 20:00

I just finished reading your article about dating "The Loser" and it was VERY enlightening. I just managed to get out of a 4 month long relationship with an older man that I would definitely label as a "loser." I was the younger woman in the relationship. I would definitely say that he was mostly all the things that you mentioned in the article...but the only difference is that he never called me ever again once I dumped him--thank god! But I do know that he does have a tendency to stalk his ex-girlfriend\'s--not physically, but through the internet to find out what they are doing and what they have been up to--which is still creepy. He always blamed his ex\'s and everyone of his ex\'s dumped him...and he had also never been married and he was in his late 40\'s. I should have seen the signs, but I am just thankful that I got out after only 4 could have been a lot worse. It\'s just sad that his family and friends see him a a "nice" and "sweet" guy...maybe they should all date him and then they would re-consider and run the other way!

Ann C
Posted on the 2011-08-05 at 20:00
At last a website that is helping me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Thank you.  I am beginning to understand so much about my family dynamics.

Nancy (NJ)
Posted on the 2011-06-14 at 20:00
Thanks for your wonderful writings on ADHD.  We\'re raising a young child with it.  After all the years of education we\'ve been thru, your writings have succinctly covered what we\'ve been thru, are experiencing and/or are in for.  What a blessing that you take the time to share your expertise.
Posted on the 2011-04-22 at 20:00
 Bless you. the article about "losers" was a great way to demonstrate the issues without using (mostly) the word abuse. It is incredibly well done -- spoken as a former victim (woman) and partner to another former victim (man.) 
Posted on the 2011-04-21 at 20:00


Posted on the 2011-04-20 at 20:00
I wish that Dr. Carver had a forum or platform for discussion of his absolutely excellent articles.  I so agree with what Debby has to say.  Any more articles in the pipeline, Dr?

Posted on the 2011-04-18 at 20:00
In your Losers article you mention that you wanted to write a guide for Losers on how  they could change their behavior. Did you ever write this? 
Posted on the 2011-02-13 at 19:00
Posted on the 2011-02-12 at 19:00
I have personally experienced the stockholm syndrome and the ptsd  which automatically follows. I am so grateful to be alive as many attempts on my life were made. Now i feel numb and disassioated. I cant believe that i allowed the person I loved most in the world to abuse me.

Yours in strength, hope and courage
Suzanna from Dublin ireland
Christina K. Harper
Posted on the 2011-01-18 at 19:00
Thank you for the information.  I am just starting the ADHD journey with my daughter.  Your infomration has been very helpful.
Posted on the 2011-01-14 at 19:00
Your articles have shed light on my estranged husband\'s behavior and given me peace.
Posted on the 2011-01-02 at 19:00
Your article on "are you dating a loser/signs of a loser" was the best article I have ever read on the subject (and I have read many over a course of time)
The part where you said "say I am confused" and "act dull" oh - - -that part was a RIOT because that is exactly what I have been doing and I didn\'t even know that was one of the best things to do!!!!
hahaha - confirmation for me.
I can\'t wait to e-mail your article to my mom.
You have helped me more than you know.
I have definately been confused and I am so boring, nothing excites me. That part is not hard to fake, because I have been around a boring person for 11 years.   Thanks again -
Sharon Swanson
Posted on the 2010-12-27 at 19:00
I found the article on "THE LOSER" very well researched and very helpful for myself as I begin 
my efforts in ending a whirl wind of a relationship.
Thank-you again,
Posted on the 2010-11-29 at 19:00
Dr. Carver,
I wanted to thank you for the wonderful articles you\'ve written on personality disorders and abuse. I was in an emotionally, verbally and borderline-physically abusive relationship with a man with borderline personality disorder. I managed to escape relatively quickly, about nine months into the relationship and about four months after the abuse began in ernest. But the experience still left me with some scars. I\'ve responded by learning everything I can about personality disorders and the psychology of abuse, and reaching out to other abuse survivors through a closed internet forum. I\'ve also worked hard to identify and overcome my own codependent traits.
After talking to hundreds of abuse survivors, I now joke that abusers must pass around a secret guidebook, since their actions and attitudes seem to follow similar scripts in such a textbook manner.
Your articles, better than any other that I\'ve read on the topic, really seem to capture the reality of abuse. Most poeple, even professionals, don\'t get it. You get it, and more importantly, you\'re able to clearly express it.
I was also fascinated by your articles on the link between stockholm syndrome and abuse. I believe 100 percent that abuse is a highly effective form of brainwashing, and the result is a form of Stockholm syndrome.
Anway, thanks for the work that you do. The more information we have on abuse, the better we as survivors are able to understand it, escape it and heal from it.
Lita Perna
Posted on the 2010-10-11 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver:
I am a LCPC (Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor) and have been counseling for over 30 years.  My primary interest has always been personality disorders. You have written the best , clearest, most easily understandable article I\'ve ever read about Schizoid Personality Disorder.
I\'m currently putting together my first blog about personality disorders and love.
Can you reccomend books???

Thank you,

Lita Perna, MA, LCPC, NCC
mary doe
Posted on the 2010-10-08 at 20:00
I have read your articles on Stockholm syndrome and Perceived inability to Leave and am looking for further information on these.  Can these be caused by an abuxive father who sexually molested his two daughters?
Chris West
Posted on the 2010-10-05 at 20:00
Hi.. I wanted to take the time the time to Thank you for the "eye-opening" article on Depression, Causes, symptoms & Treatment. When I was first diagnosed with depression, I was given your article to read. It was easy to understand and most helpful. Since then I have passed the article onto a couple people that I knew were experiencing the same symptons, and it has enabled them to move forward and get help. Thanks !!! 
Posted on the 2010-09-24 at 20:00
 Hi, I just wanted to let you know that your article on ADHD was so insightful and helpful, (one of the best I\'ve read!) and now armed with that information I feel far more prepared in dealing with my son. I\'ve been feeling at the end of my rope for some time now as a single parent, most people giving me the stock answer of "Oh he\'s just being a boy", but I\'ve always known it wasn\'t that simple, and now I feel as though there are options and ways of managing this. Thank you so much :-)
Posted on the 2010-08-22 at 20:00

Thank you Dr. Carver. At 52, I\'ve learned more than I ever wanted to know about domestic violence. Your work helped me identify why I had been feeling so blue for years. I look forward to your continuing sequels. I have a 18 year old son who learned well from his father. Best regards, Renita in Seattle

Deborah C
Posted on the 2010-07-18 at 20:00
You know your stuff Dr. Carver!  I learned a lot reading The Stockholm Syndrome. Thanks a bunch!


Posted on the 2010-07-14 at 20:00
Posted on the 2010-07-10 at 20:00
Thanks for all the lecture.
Posted on the 2010-07-04 at 20:00
I\'m trying to break off with a man who won\'t let me go.  I think he is trying to to me harm. He hasn\'t been around in a week, but I don\'t know if he is watching me.  He knows about a couple of dates and I didn\'t tell him.  Everytime he comes over he brings a bottle of booze.  The next day I start feeling sick.  This has happened more than once.  Not sure what to do.
Michelle Jordan (UK)
Posted on the 2010-05-30 at 20:00
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have just read your artical \'From Bliss to Despair\'. I have low seretonin levels and now live a \'normal\' life due to my diagnosis and subsequent medication. I am happy and flourishing but it took 40 yrs and a hellish journey to get correctly diagnosed. I relate to all the symptoms in the article all of which are now truly under control. I found your article while searching for answers to my daughters bedwetting and symptoms of irritability and aggression. Even more revealing is your article described my mum who we are in total despair about. She is 72 and shows all the classic signs of low serotonin but has not been diagnosed or received treatment. She is creating havoc and has made our lives a misery for so long but suddenly I think the penny has dropped. I have emailed the article to my sister with a view to getting mum to the doctors before it is too late.
I\'m not diagnosing either mum or my daughter but this all seems so familiar. Thank you for giving us hope of a happier more fulfilled future.
For anyone reading this, there is hope and I have flourished and grown as a person, spiritually and within my profession. God bless you Dr!
Amber Penfold
Posted on the 2010-05-20 at 20:00
I want to thank you for the article on ADHD. i have read many articles but your broke it down to the T. I have forwarded this to my family members so they could see for themselves that he is not out of control but that this is a disorder, not bad behavior. I have been practicing your Highway Patrol Method and it works great. I find myself not yelling but redirecting calmly. Even we he\'s upset I keep my cool. Thank you very much for helping our family. 
Posted on the 2010-05-13 at 20:00

Thaks for a wonderful site full of well written articles.Ii am a counselor and will refer my clients to your site. I would love to see an article on treatment for the "cluster B", can empathy be taught?

Posted on the 2010-04-23 at 20:00
Thank you Dr. Carver. I\'ve just read your article on emotional memory management, and I feel as if I\'ve just found the life-line that I so desperately needed. As I read the article, I sobbed with relief, as I now understand why I\'ve been unable to recover from a traumatic experience. So, I\'m off to do some much needed work on my emotional filing system, with a sense of hope for the future.
One again, thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Deborah Parz
Posted on the 2010-04-17 at 20:00
Thank you
Tina Hamilton
Posted on the 2010-03-28 at 20:00
A heartfelt thank you for your informative and easy to understand article on depression.  It saved my son\'s life!  This sounds so dramatic but is totally true.  He lives in Australia and I became increasingly concerned by his phone calls and emails.  I persuaded him to return to the uk, and having worked for many years in mental health, I could see instantly that he was suffering from depression.  He saw the appropriate psychiatrist, was put on medication and was visited daily by someone from the mental health team, but remained very ill.  Slowly his condition improved with a great deal of persuasion from me not to return to Australia until he was well.  He discovered your article online and it was a breakthrough and the turning point for him: realising that what he was going through was part of the illness and he would feel better when his seretonin levels returned to normal.  He told me he had planned to return to Australia, away from the family and kill himself.    This was exactly a year ago and he is now fully recovered, back in Australia and truly enjoying his life again.  He felt that everyone who is given anti-depressants should also be given a copy of your article too, so that they can understand what is happening to them.   So from me -many, many thanks and keep writing in that wonderful, accessible style unique to you.  Much love Tina 

Barry T. Steinberg
Posted on the 2010-03-24 at 20:00
     I married my Personality Disorder twice as I believed that she was bi-polar. After she wormed her way back into my life,  I discovered 8 years into our 2nd marriage that medications would have no effect because her "condition" was not treatable at all.
     I am on the road to repairing my life, self-esteem and finances! Your articles along with others such as Martha Stout and Robert Hare have saved me thousands in professional psychological services which I have not  engaged in!! Thanks, Dr. Carver.
Best Regards,
Barry T. Steinberg, Ed.D.
Posted on the 2010-03-23 at 20:00
I want to read \'loser\' articles
Posted on the 2010-03-21 at 20:00
Thnaks for such wonderful articles!
They came right in the best moment!

Sue Daddio
Posted on the 2010-03-05 at 19:00
Your website is fabulous and I read all articles. I have PTSD and my mom has borderline personality disorder and my parents were buth IV drug users. I am healing myself today and I have found your website to be very informative and refreshing!!
Posted on the 2010-01-29 at 19:00
So glad I found You! I'm at my wits-end dealing with two brothers that are Bioplar, and taking care of Mom doesn't help...she has dementia.
Along with 'Property' issuses these two have made my early 60's stressful.
Posted on the 2010-01-21 at 19:00
I'm a domestic violence SURVIVOR and I'm trying help at another sisters to get out of them...I readed ur article and is TOTALY AMAZING...thanks for write and I will use in the future.
God bless you
Posted on the 2010-01-18 at 19:00
This is a great web site-very informative and helpful
Judith Ruder
Posted on the 2010-01-14 at 19:00
Thank you for your articles on and interest in Cluster B Personality Disorders, especially APD.
Posted on the 2010-01-09 at 19:00

Would you like to put your post on he "message board" here, as I am sure you would have much feedback. 
Glad you have got away from this dreadful individual.

Posted on the 2010-01-07 at 19:00
I cannot believe how ACCURATE your description of "The Loser' is! Ive been with a 'Loser ' for a year, and I am hoping this week this week wasthe final and last of my attempts to leave him.  I have left him 9 times before for the physical and mental abuse, and he got me back each time with bombarding me at school and work with flowers, proposing to me in front of my coworkers, booking us both for a trip to Vegas to get married, making me feel guilty, and always holding finances over my head.  He always knew that cheating would be a deal breaker, and I caght him RED HANDED cheating with a paid hooker in our bed,  And of course, being that he is a 'Loser', he blamed it on me, saying I had been ignoring him by being a fulltime beauty school student and working as well. i am 33 years old and NEVER EVER have been in a relationship where a man put his hands on me, cheated on me, and destroyed my self esteem like this. By the way, he started off pinching me, sort of half joking in the beginning of our relationship.  It eventually turned into him throwing me down and choking me, throwing me against the wall, slapping, punching, kicking, dragging me back into the house when I tried to run away and he smashed 3 of my cell phones and 2 laptops (he always replaced them the next day, accompanied by jewelry, flowers, etc).  H e has isolated me from my friends and family, they all think im on valium because when i have had to see them on holidays I dont talk ( I used to be really outgoing) and he chased off all my female friends (he told me they all hit on him and slipped him their numbers) But cathcing him in bed with the prostitute is my get out of jail free card.  It gives me all the excuse I need to tell him to NEVER EVER speak to me again or i will really get the PFA.  He knows he has lost this battle.  One other thing I didnt see mentioned in your article was cruelty to animals.  He has a 4 year old tiny welsh corgi dog, who he frequently electrocutes with a training collar for NO REASON, and has kicked the dog before so hard he ruptured the dogs scrotum, and wouldnt take him to the vet for fear of going to jail. He often kicks the dog, throws things at him with full force and of course electrocutes him.. My ex always brags about the fights he gets in and frequwntly drives 160mph in his corvette, and tries to run people off the road.  Your article was so perfect in every single detail and description of The Loser that I sincerely hope you write a book, just on this nightmare.  I told him I was going to tell his family and his coworkers he cheated on me with an escort, so he really is backing off.  I suggest any woman who wants to get away from a Loser and needs a valid reason should catch them cheating.  Thank GOD for hookers.
Posted on the 2010-01-02 at 19:00

Dear Sir,
I read something of yours in an article about not being sure if it's depression and suicide that's contimplating your mind and you gave a small check list of things that are Suicidal Intentions. I read that list, I typed that list, I check that list, I cried over that list, I want to thank you because without that list, I don't know how else I would have known what suicidal thoughts or if it was truely depression over me or angst. Thank you! Best of luck to you, hopefully you continue to fill us with your knowledge, I wish I could gain therapy from you because your articles are theraputic for me! Thank You!

Posted on the 2009-12-29 at 19:00
 I thank you for your article on depression. It helped me see aspects of my depressive episodes differently and literally changed my life.
The garbage truk reference really made sense...
Thank you
Robert G. Mac Donald.B.A.M.D.
Posted on the 2009-11-30 at 19:00
 Dr. Carver-I have read your articles with great interest as I have either Parkinsons Disease or ADHD.For the past 5 years I have had severe fatigue relieved by Ritalin AND Not by any of the 5  or so Antidepressants prescribed.I also have sleep apnea and use CPAP. If I dont have Ritalin,I become almost immobile and feel like I have to drag my body along.No classical Parkinson signs.On ritalin,the fatigue disappears and I am up and about.I have been doing my ownresearch and do to Ritalin response must be Dopamine low??? Can you help inmy thinking.? I am 78 ,retired living in Quebec Canada. Thanks. Robert Mac Donald.
Posted on the 2009-09-14 at 20:00
I HAPPENED UPON YOUR Warning Signs you are Involved with a “Controller".  There isn't one thing in that article that doesn't fit my situation right now.  I'm shocked to read all of that and it ALL hit home.  I just wanted to say Thank you!  At least I can read that I'm not crazy, and can understand why I've gotten sucked into it, and have stayed in it...  THANK YOU!!!
Posted on the 2009-09-13 at 20:00

Very insightful. God bless.

Posted on the 2009-08-28 at 20:00
Like the guestbook signer below me, the apt words seem to be "God bless you".

well you seem to be a smart cookie.

and, can I add for anyone reading this guestbook, has anyone else heard this particular phrase "who have you been talking to?"

ho hum. nice website. shows that there is real progress being made in understanding relationships.
Posted on the 2009-08-25 at 20:00
hi dr carver, im really really thankful i came across your article about the signs of a loser. Its been three years that I let myself be involved with a loser, and honestly oftentimes I feel that there is something wrong in our relationship and because I dont know of the process to get off from that relationship, I managed to stay and wait for him to change, I have read a lot of articles and I was lucky enough that your article has opened my mind and gave me strength to what I knew before as the right decision to make, and that is to leave him permanently.. I am really thankful that I am on the detachment stage right now, Your article was such an enlightenment and strength to me, and I pray that you will continue to produce such a great article, I know that you were able to help women around the world with your article. God bless you always and your family. Many Thanks and more power.
Posted on the 2009-08-22 at 20:00
Thank you for your resource on family members with personality disorders.  I am in America and have been on my own ever since my parent with a personality disorder manipulated me and provoked me constantly, then kicked me out (for money from my dad).  I had nothing but $200 in my pocket starting out and struggled with toxic extended family who I never knew growing up....and got entangled with toxic boyfriends who were helping to "support" me while I worked very hard and struggled.  I'm trying to get away from all that, I want to have good friends again, and I don't want the whole world to look at me like I'm a looser while I try yet AGAIN to rebuild my life independently of my family.  Hopefully maybe I can find answers here and figure out how to rebuild after being hurt so much.  I know no one is ever going to understand, or want to, but I have to move on somehow.  I'm alone now and the few people who did know me see me as something that I am not.  I don't want to be a victim anymore.  People criticize angry victims.
Katja V.
Posted on the 2009-08-16 at 20:00
Hello from North Germany,

I appreciated your article about Stockholm Syndrom - it cleared a few things up for me. I was in a 2 - year-relationship with a guy affected by Paranoid Personality Disorder (as I suppose). I like your style of writing, it is comprehensible, vivid and well recherched. I miss that in many articles of the psychologic area. Most of them only seem like show, while I find yours substantial and it really helped me.

Thank you and go on like this!

Freundliche Grüße,
Katja V.
Posted on the 2009-07-19 at 20:00
Hi Dr. Carver

Found your article on depression a god send. Helped me get things into perspective and realise that i wasnt a terrible person. I was unsure about the severity of my depression till i read this - boy was i deluding myself about being normal! I will definitely use this in the future with my patients.


James Pratt, Ed.D.
Posted on the 2009-07-08 at 20:00

Really enjoy your articles on

I've just printed out your articles on your site. Thank you for the great contribution you're making to mental health.

I'm looking forward to reading your Emotional Memory Management material. JP

Posted on the 2009-07-07 at 20:00
l have a sleep walking problem how can l slove it
Posted on the 2009-04-13 at 20:00
I've loved reading your replies on the Ask the Psychologist feature and am so sad to see you gone.  I'm trying to get used to the new answerer, but you are very much missed.  Your answers were always detailed and spot on (and sometimes your sense of humour made me chuckle).  Thank you for sharing yourself online -- you've helped many, many people.
Posted on the 2009-04-11 at 20:00
Dear Doctor Joe,

I just read your article on norepinephrine (noradrenaline here in Britain). 
I found it very interesting and agree with the "abdominal distress" you cite. 
Unfortunately I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I find it very painful. Recently I was in hospital and I was extremely anxious. I told the doctor I had abdominal pain and of course he could not "put his finger on it", I knew it was anxiety and after a Valium I felt much better. 
It saddens me that some doctors do not understand the pain of mental distress.
I will mark yor site as a favourite!
Kind regards,
Kathryn Keats
Posted on the 2009-04-10 at 20:00
Hello Dr. Carver, I wanted to say hello and let you know that I am slowly but surely overcoming Stockholm Syndrome. What a very delicate task. Much peace to you and thank you for all of your good works. Kathryn Keats
fellow earthling
Posted on the 2009-04-07 at 20:00

I just wanted to drop by and say what a fantastic article you wrote for the website. It really shows that ABSOLUTELY no mental illness should be stigmatised as they are. Its 'simple' chemistry it seems Seratonin, Norepinephrine, Dopamine and GABA, and the over/under supply in certain combinations = certain mental illness. who would have thought there was such a 'simple' explanation for basically all mental ilness'!

Of course its not simple, as you said yourself, theres over 50 neurotransmitters, but these four are the most critical it seems in most 'common' mental illness which 25% of people will suffer from at some point in their lives.

The irony is that everyone who should be reading it (the currently mentally ill) probably are not, and if they did, would probably couldn't absorb it and finish they suffer from the symtoms which would prevent such a person from doing so...ADHD, Paranoia, ect.

Its for this reason I think that everyone should be exposed to 'the basis' for the article in schools when growing up, so that, when things go bad later in life, they can get through the Paranoia/anxiety of wondering "am I crazy?" and instead of letting it spiral out of control, they would realise that "hey, this is normal/temporary and treatable" 

I think this should become as prominent as sex education in schools, in fitting with the personal development theme of schooling. Like I say, if they know they are having difficulties and know its a normal thing, then they should view it as having the flu and going to the doctor to get better! 

Anyway, I for one am glad I am forwarned about the pointlessness of worrying about any of the themes you mentioned, and will be straight to a Psych/doctor to get things back on track.

Again fantastic article and so glad it was free, clear and concise quality writing.
Posted on the 2009-03-25 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver,

I recently learned you have decided to step down from your role at "Ask the Psychologist" at 

Since finding the website last year, I have made a point of checking the website daily to read  your responses to readers' questions.  Your advice was always very rational and sensible and showed much empathy for the letter writer. When the writers seemed to be in great distress, you reframed their problems and suggested positive steps they could take to start making changes in their lives.  I especially  liked that you never talked down to the writers, no matter what their problems were.

I learned a lot from you, Dr. Carver, and I'm glad I had the chance to do so. Thank you for the work you did at Counselling Resource!

Best regards,

Jack Atkins
Posted on the 2009-03-23 at 20:00
In the other post, the "not" in the first sentence should be a "now".  Sorry.  That would certainly change the meaning.
Jack Atkins
Posted on the 2009-03-23 at 20:00
My wife, with whom I am not separated, has had a habit of putting her profile on online dating sites almost the second she and I would break up when we were dating and the moment we have separated a couple of times after marriage.  She also contacted an old boyfriend the day she and I separated last fall.  She says nothing has come from her contacts with the old boyfriend and no dates from the online dating sites.  She always says she is justified in doing this cause we were broke up or separated.  After we got back together after a separation and I had found out about her contact with the old boyfriend, I asked her how she would have felt if she had found out, during the same time and under the same circumstances, I had been in contact with an old girlfriend.  She said she would have been very upset.  At another time, she said she would have felt like s _ _ t.  I asked her how she could do those things knowing I would feel like s _ _ t, but not want me to do something similar to make her feel like s _ _ t.  Her response was that 1.  it was my fault, I created the situation by leaving her and 2.  if it was a problem for me, I should have left when I found out about it.  To me, this is a double standard, and, I would think an abusive attitude for her to have.  Am I off base here?  If she is not getting dates with the old boyfriend and off the online dating sites while we are separated, why is she on those sites?  Is it to make me jealous?  Is she trying to get me to come back to her on her terms by doing this?  Or does she really not care for me and is looking for someone else better? 
Posted on the 2009-03-22 at 20:00
Great website
Lynette Walker
Posted on the 2009-03-18 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver,
It's late at night and here I am again at my computer trying to research what could be wrong with my teenage son.  We've just had another (happening for years) evening battle of homework and "rules", which led to him yelling and hitting the wall.  My Google search led me to one of your articles on ADHD.  When I was halfway through your article I was sobbing with realization and relief.  It was as if I was reading an article that was written about my son.  His struggle and problems have gotten worse as he gets older, so just last week we took him to a PhD Psych for a psych eval.  I will present this article to the Dr., with highlighted areas of every characteristic, every family dynamic and every struggle mentioned in your article.  I believe your article will begin a pivitol turning point in our lives.  I cannot thank you enough and feel I've been blessed with an answer.   
Dr. Carver
Posted on the 2009-03-12 at 20:00
A Response to Lindy:
The "Loser" article was written as a client handout, not as a technical work. It is for this reason that I used the "Loser" title although in all honesty, victims of controllers, manipulators, abusers, and users have suggested nastier labels than "Loser". The Loser title is nontechnical but readily recognized by readers. There's no question about what the article is about. It's also worth noting that the "Loser" article translates well into other languages as every culture can identify "Losers" in romantic relationships. I have written a more professional article describing the basics of a Personality Disorder if you want to review the clinical terms and characteristics. 

My education and clinical experience have taught me that people need information in order to protect themselves and/or understand their situation. I have tried to provide this information in a way that is easy to understand. I don't know of a single person who might be helped if I publish an article entltled "Romantic Relationships, Cognitive Dissonance, and Identification with the Aggressor". Using that same clinical information however, I wrote "Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser". The goal is providing communication that is helpful. It's not always politically correct.

By the way, the Loser article receives over 300+ views per day and I average only one to two comments a year questioning the title. With those odds - I'll stick with the original "Loser" title.  Thanks for your feedback.

Lindy Smythe
Posted on the 2009-03-11 at 20:00
Did you not get taught anywhere in your extensive education that it is counter-productive to use biased and actually devaluing language like "losers"?

You cheapen your own writing by some of your word usuage. Do you feel you have to sensationalistic at the expense of those with personality disorders to attract readers? God you must just be a "wonderful" - NOT - therapist for anyone with a personality disorder eh?

Mladen uzelac
Posted on the 2009-03-08 at 20:00
I want to thank you for great articles.
I translated them into Croatian and they are very helpful.
I translated The loser and love and Stockholm syndrome.
Third is on the way.
Posted on the 2009-03-08 at 20:00
thanks for your insight
Posted on the 2009-02-25 at 19:00
I have been dating, what I now find out to be a loser, for the past year and a half. It is so true what you say. I have ended it with her 4 times and each time she reels me back in with either she is going to date an ex, or I am mental and need her support. I have now finally ended it and moved away and staying with parents. Like you say every time you end it they up up the pressure on you. As nothing else has worked and I still want to leave after 4 days of leaving she claims to be pregnant which again is typical of a loser. Thanks for your work in this. I now know that it isn't me not knowing what I want or I'm depressed it is me recognising when I have a gut feeling to get out and stay out. Because that gut feeling was telling me from when she told me she loved me after 3 weeks to get out.
Posted on the 2009-02-25 at 19:00
I thought I would send this again but this time with the option to give people chance to send me feedback. I have been dating, what I now find out to be a loser, for the past year and a half. It is so true what you say. I have ended it with her 4 times and each time she reels me back in with either she is going to date an ex, or I am mental and need her support. I have now finally ended it and moved away and staying with parents. Like you say every time you end it they up up the pressure on you. As nothing else has worked and I still want to leave after 4 days of leaving she claims to be pregnant which again is typical of a loser. Thanks for your work in this. I now know that it isn't me not knowing what I want or I'm depressed it is me recognising when I have a gut feeling to get out and stay out. Because that gut feeling was telling me from when she told me she loved me after 3 weeks to get out.
Posted on the 2009-02-17 at 19:00

My daughter was dating a loser, and when a friend showed me your "Dating a Loser" article, I didn't know how to give it to her, so I just left it on my chair in the kitchen.  When they later had a breakup that involved the police and charges against him, she told me that she had picked that article up, and that was the final straw.  Now she's in college, and is bringing the article to a male friend she sees is in the same situation.  I don't know how many people you've helped, but you sure helped us, and I want to say thanks.

Posted on the 2009-02-15 at 19:00
Hi Dr. Carver,

Thank you for your article "Warning Signs that You're Dating a Loser." It is by far the best I've read on this topic. I really like the Ending Relationship tips and Follow Up Protection -- good, practical advice. I've posted a link to your article on my FaceBook page, and I hope it helps a lot of people.

Thank you again!
Posted on the 2009-02-05 at 19:00
Your website provides a great service. I had already disconnected from my emotionally abusive father, and I knew that he had a personality disorder. Still reading your website was helpful in validating my understanding of that relationship. He recently died and his death of course, brought some things back up for me and my siblings, not all of whom had complete clarity on my father's condition. I think it is very, very important that people be educated about both emotional abuse and about personality disorder. When someone is in a relationship with someone who is aabusive and personality disorder, it can take a long time to define the problem. When people read information that defines emotional abuse and pesonality disorders, for example on your website, they will recognize heir family member and have a much easier time setting boundaries and taking care of themselves. It also makes it easier to explain to other people who may not understand and help these people to support the victim of abuse in setting limits.
Gillian Vandergraaf
Posted on the 2009-02-01 at 19:00
I got a problem with depression.  I am always depressed
Posted on the 2009-01-02 at 19:00

Dear Dr,


i have visited your website while i was looking for some information about my case. i really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your medical effort to provide us the " poor public" with a simple , easy, and useful information that we can not find any where. i was reading one comment from you for a lady and i thought you are talking to me. you are soooooo good.


God bless you .

Posted on the 2008-12-26 at 19:00
I have been so blessed to have stumbled onto your website. My relief is immeasurable, as incessant as my gratitude.

I left my husband, hard to do because I did love him, (or rather loved the man I married, not the soul destroying monster he turned out to be), and I have suffered terrible insomnia because I didn't want to go to sleep and have those terrible dreams. 

Your emotional memory management article has save my sanity. Now I sleep, now I dream sweetly, now I wake up rested, and so much else has fallen into healthy perspective, ALL because I was able to exorcise my demon memories. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
Posted on the 2008-12-25 at 19:00

Your article here is SO true.  I've been a victim in this situation years ago and got out, and now i'm watching my best friend in a similar situation with her abuser and all I can do is hope she leaves her abuser one day and that i'm always there for her as support and help and understanding as it would be tragic if she stayed, she is worth so much more than what she's going through..
Posted on the 2008-11-18 at 19:00
your article on stockholm syndrome and are you dating a looser have opened the door to my begining to understand my messed up head. my abusive relationship has ended with my boyfriend in prison for harrasment with the intent to harm me and my child. i knew the relationship was bad but like you said, just wanted to keep the peace and fix things so he wouldnt be mad. i nearly lost all my family and friends,they all thought i hated them, but i was just trying to stop him going mad at me. He would tell me i could visit my old friend, then i'd be put through hell for days after. even now that hes in prison after what he did i still feel love and pitty for him, which is crazy but at least i now know why and can begin working on detatchment. thank you for understanding when no one else in the world seemed to.
Vicky Unsworth
Posted on the 2008-11-15 at 19:00
your article on Stockholm Syndrome, made me admit something about my past relationship that i had blocked out for years. i could really do with your insight into what i went though. Please get in contact with me, the uk isnt really brimming with people who want to understand rather they tend to patronise and minimise everything.
Mariana Barrancos
Posted on the 2008-10-26 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver,

I just wanted to drop a line to congratulate you on your awesome website. It has plenty of useful information, articles and resources.

Thanks for making it available to everyone on the Internet.

All the best,

Mariana Barrancos
Anna Getter
Posted on the 2008-10-14 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver,
I came across your page by accident while searching articles on depression. I am currently in treatment for clinical depression, and being an information hound, I turn the internet inside out looking for answers. Unfortunately there is lots of garbage out there, and it's very unsettling for the depressed person to read about "horrible drugs", etc. Fortunately, there are also gems like your page.
Your arcticles on depression are written in a light and sensible way that made me feel being understood and comforted. I am using them as "bibliotherapy". Thank you for taking your time to publish those!
Ari Spanioli
Posted on the 2008-10-09 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver,

Thank you so much for your article about "The Loser"  I am printing it and passing it on to the victims of domestic violence that my organization "Legal Aid Society" works with.  I am also going to show it to my nieces, to open their eyes and mind to this.  It has also helped me a lot to read it. I also wanted to know if it was available in Spanish.  Thanks again.  Ari
Perla Ordaz
Posted on the 2008-10-07 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver
Your articles are perfect, mexican women would like your articles and also your books in spanish, a lot of us needs your books  and help. Thank you very very much.
Posted on the 2008-09-12 at 20:00
I want to thank you for the article on depression and its excellent explanation. I was diagnosed with this awfull illness two weeks ago. My mind has been torturing me with some extremely distressing thoughts and reading your article has helped settle these down greatly. I cant express my gratitude enough.
Sharon Carty (Carson)
Posted on the 2008-09-11 at 20:00
Please tell Rhonda hello for me.  We graduated together, I was Sharon Carson then.  I always remember Rhonda as being so sweet!  You might know my brother Bill. He still lives in Portsmouth.  I have been in Florida for 8 years now.  Take care, blessings to all of your family.

Sharon Carty
Posted on the 2008-09-05 at 20:00
I was aware that my partner was angry but looking up whether I am 'abused' emotionally bought up your articles. WOW. It has truly given me the ability to see things for what they are and to actually realise none of his abuse will ever go away or get better each time I remove 'trouble'. I am leaving, all be it very quietly as I am unsure of what he will do.....I lose pretty much everything (financially) but nobody deserves my soul or my dignity except me....thank you.......
Posted on the 2008-09-03 at 20:00
I stumbled upon your website whilst doing a little research. I have suffered fom Depression for 10 years now but few people know about it due to the stigma. 
I was just so relieved to read how you describe the racing thoughts, bad file and the garbage truck. I didn't know why I was torturing myself with bad memories from my past when I was feeling low and you explain it so matter-of factly. 
We need more people in the world like you. You have no idea how much relief you have given me just by reading you simple explanation of the seratonin levels - I know that I am 'normal' in the world of depression and that what I experience is common among depression sufferers.
Thank you!
Laura Capstick
Posted on the 2008-08-22 at 20:00
great article about the loser, I found it very insightful and also informative. Thanks Joseph :)
Jeanne Myers
Posted on the 2008-08-21 at 20:00
Dear Dr. Carver,
I found the article on The Stockholm Syndrome on another website a couple years ago and give a copy to every new client in my DV support group.  I just found your website this week and have already copied the Personality Disorder and Loser articles for my group members.  Thanks for making these valuable tools available.  Your website is now on my favorites list.

Posted on the 2008-08-11 at 20:00
Dr. Carver:  This is a seriously good website, with an enormous wealth of information.  I just wish your articles could be published even more widely, and made compulsory reading!  Particularly "The Stockholm Syndrome" and "The Loser".
Thank you again
Brent Cox
Posted on the 2008-08-08 at 20:00

Thanks for the information, sometimes I feel like I am a little boy, lost at sea, with no direction in my life.  I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder, PTSD from being sexual abused as a child and Epilipsy. So, I have a lot to deal with on a daily basis.  However, medicine work about 40% of the time for me. Every morning my sister and I get out and run 4 miles at 4 a.m. EST and with this and wieght loss from taking Lithium and really doing nothing all the time.  For the first time in my life the skies are clearing, the clouds are leaving and I feel better than ever.  I know that exercise and motivation its not a cure for depression, but I feel less depressed and more hopeful for the future.  By the way, cut out the sodas, drink water, lots of water and try the food pryimid.  You have to take the control back and once you do you are free.

Bonnie Egbuo
Posted on the 2008-04-28 at 20:00
Dr. Carver, I read your article about the nuerological links to various types of mental health disorders on a search to a website "Your not alone." 

I was so moved by how you took a very difficult topic and made it simplistic enough so that someone like me could understand how chemical changes in the body impacts ones mental health.

I have suffered for many years with all forms of depression and anxiety.  I tried to hide my mental health issues because of the stigma.

A month ago, I saw a psychologist, for one visit, but I never went back.  Over the last three weeks my co-workers and I have been so stressed out, we are all complaining of all the things you said, but none of us are brave enough to call it what it is and get help.

After reading your article, I am going to share it with my co-workers tomorrow, AND, I'm going to make that appointment again, because I now believe there is really help available.

So, thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for letting me know I'm not alone, and what I am feeling has a real cause and real help.

I'll now be a regular reader of your website.  I wish you were in my hometown.  

Sincere Regards
Posted on the 2008-03-04 at 19:00
Dr. Carver, I thank-you for explainin g in words what has been going on in my mind for years. Being able to recognize that low seritonin effects the way our brain works has helped me more than I ever imagined. The garbage truck comparison was so exact for me. I had so many things that when depressed started  ran over and over in my mind .Things my counsellor and I had dealt with time and time again. When I was able to recognize the thoughts for what they were garbage and started using them as an indicator that my seritonin was quite possibly out of whack the lift was tremendous.
Thank-you after 25 years of battling depression I now look at is as my companion and use it as an indicator that some thing is not right and that I need to take care of myself.
Again Thank-you Dr. Carver!
Deborah Delp
Posted on the 2008-02-22 at 19:00

Dr. Carver,  Thank you for  your article on the Stockholm Syndrome. I find it very enlightening.  I am separated from my physician husband with whom I have 4 children and am learning he has been controlling and verbally abusive for years.  Yet between times of anger and abuse was kind and "the perfect doctor and person". I am learning I blocked out the bad and only remembered the good. I have searched the internet for articles and find your website to be warm and informative, not at all intimidating.   Thank You, Deborah Delp

Ms. Isobel McKellar
Posted on the 2008-02-05 at 19:00
Dr. Carver:

Thank you!  Your wonderful articles have been very enlightening to me.  I have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and take medication for this condition.  This Friday, January 8th, 2008, I am starting couselling.  Your information has opened my eyes to other problems that I am experiencing.  I did not know what was happening to me or what it was called. Stolkhom syndrome and old files is exactly what has been happening to me.  I believe that knowledge is power and I am taking printouts of your information to help my counsellor with my journey to recovery.  You have been a tremendous help to me.  God bless.
Posted on the 2008-01-29 at 19:00
Your articles on depression and brain chemistry as well as the "bad file" explanations were very straightforward and some of the most encouraging I have read on depression.  Thank you for explaining so well what depression can do to our thought processes and how a chemical upset can bring this about.
Posted on the 2008-01-28 at 19:00
How to Tell You are Dating a Loser is by far the best advice anyone could ever give.  I hope you continue to share this knowledge with all people, especially in the manner in which you do.  I would tell you I love you, but that would indicate that I am a loser who suffers from point #2 - in which case, I am not.
Posted on the 2008-01-22 at 19:00

Thank you!!!! i have just come across this site and have read the stolkholm sydrome, i have recently left a marriage of 32 years and i am having support from a social worker, I never realized i was in domestic violence, and i struggle with all that has happened. all physical physoligical and sexual abuse happened, I cant thank you enough , you have given understanding where i thought i was crazy, my feelings have been valadated. I can see where the social worker has worked with me and that deeper undestanding that i am now able to see. thank you again.

Posted on the 2008-01-12 at 19:00
Dr. Carver:

Your site is a beacon in the darkness for so many traumatised people.  Since I first located your webiste, several years ago, I have recommended it, and your eye-opening articles, to so many, particularly on a number of support groups.  What I like is the non-nonsense common sense approach.

Best of Luck
Lotte Grove
Posted on the 2008-01-08 at 19:00
Hi - far away from Denmark, I just want to say thank you for the Article 'Love and Stockholm Syndrome'. I have finally stepped out of a such a relation (been there for 10 years). An this article supports me in the right direction. - I keep on travelling. Thank You!
Posted on the 2007-12-16 at 19:00
thank you for describing the relationship between an abusive mom and son as the Stockholm Syndrome- and for the insight on how to handle the son who does not live with us.
Posted on the 2007-11-13 at 19:00
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your AMAZING article 'Warning Signs You're Dating a Loser'!  I am(soon not to be!) in a fairly new relationship and when I went to support a male friend(of ten years) who recently learned his Dad has cancer, the bf freaked out.  He made me feel guilty, as though I did something wrong when I KNOW in my soul I did something for a friend that will be remembered loooong after this Loser is just another learning experience in my wonderful, happy life! 
To make a long story went through this for the first time about a year ago.  I'm SO THANKFUL I stepped back so quickly and found your article.  It couldn't have been said any better(and it's extra fun when I call him the loser...yes, I have a lot to deal with 
THANK YOU FOR DOING WHAT YOU DO!  I know I am a good soul and only want to see people happy...I'm just thankful I caught this so soon.  And I'm thankful mostly for your advice on how to 'get out'.  It's easy to say now, but I know my heart will hurt so it's nice to have advice not to just cut him off completely...but more so gradually.  It will help me a lot with my dealing and not pulling on that slot machine when it gives me a few nickels!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tiffany Tweedle-Hickman
Posted on the 2007-09-10 at 20:00
I am a pharmacist & was asked to present medication education to our inpatients. I read your article on Brain Chemistry. It was easy to read & sparked my memory about what I had learned in PhC school. I now teach Brain Chemistry 101 to our patient's. I didn't use the car analogy, but did make some dials to show highs & lows. Thank You!
Mary Jo May
Posted on the 2007-08-17 at 20:00
Quite by chance I found your article, The Mystery of Loving an Abuser by googling 'Stockholm Syndrome'. it was on the first page of the website. The article was a lifesaver for me and cousins in changing our attitude and support toward my sister who has been in a verbally abusive relationship for over 40 years.
Posted on the 2007-07-24 at 20:00
Dr. Carver, Just had to say thank you for your article on Identifying Losers in Relationships. I am certain that there is no way you could know how many lives you have saved over the years by posting this article, mine included. Your article literally saved my life, as the abuser I dated severely destroyed me on a mental and physical level to the point where breathing was an effort. Thank you for posting this life-saving information at no cost. many, many blessings...
Katrina Raetzer
Posted on the 2007-06-04 at 20:00
Dr. Joe. Thank you for your articles. You bring sanity to my insane life. If only I had read these when I started dating. Now at 50, three divorces, working on divorce four, I have healing from all this trauma in my life. Fortunately, my family has always been there for me and still is. I look forward to your future work and articles. I have a binder already started with your current work. If you have an online newsletter, I would like to receive them. Again, thank you for all the work you do, your interest in this subject, and your superb writing technique. -Katrina
Posted on the 2007-05-25 at 20:00
Hi Dr. Carver. Your articles on brain chemistry - seratonin, GABA, norepinephrine, etc. are the most informative, most straightforward things I've read on the subject. Thanks for sharing your knowledge.
Posted on the 2007-05-15 at 20:00
I just wanted to tell you I stumbled upon your site by accident, or probably by divine intervention one day. I love it! You are soooooo on the mark with your articles. The article about the "Stockholm Syndrom" explained my relationship with my narcissist husband and the reason it is SO HARD to leave him or send him packing down the road so very perfectly that I sent a copy of it to my mother. Beforehand, she just 'didn't get it'. No one ever does unless they've actually been involved in a romantic relationship with a narcissist. But now she's got it! And she apologized for pushing me to ditch him! She's patiently waiting for me to get myself together and do it for good, but properly. Thank you so much for the list of how to see if you are dating a loser.... I gave it to my best friend's 16 year old daughter and MADE HER READ IT. You rock!!!! Traci
Debbie B.
Posted on the 2007-05-13 at 20:00
Your artilce "The Loser" was the greatest thing I have read. It was so helpful to understand. Thank you.
Lenard P. Lachica
Posted on the 2007-04-16 at 20:00
Hi Doc! I'm Lenard and I'm currently taking my Masters in Psychology majoring in Clinical Counseling in Xavier University-Ateneo de Cagayan here in the Philippines. Your article about the Stockholme Syndrome was a great help to support my Research Paper about battered women who ended up killing their partners. I encountered some of them in local correctional facilities when I do counseling their as part of our apostolate. I was then a prenovice for the Jesuits then and at thesame time taking my M.A. I've been out of the prenovitiate program to pursue a career as a guidance counselor/teacher in one of the schools here, a change of environment I guess. Anyway I'm still continuing my M.A. and hope I could pursue a doctorate degree someday if i could get through my current status. In this way I could expand my learning horizons thus helping others, altruism will it be.Anyway hope to keep in touch and really thanks for sharing your wisdom.